my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
