They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
