He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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