she was so not down for the gang bang
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
