My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
