his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
