She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
