Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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