just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
