Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
