So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
