the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize