fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
