I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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