I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
