Three words: puerto rican gang bang
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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