69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Randomize
