I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
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