OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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