I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
