Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
