If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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