just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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