Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
