My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
