you traded sex for a burrito?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
