ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
