thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
