He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize