I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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