1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
