OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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