I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I wish i was in the wii world.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm passing your future prison.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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