I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
