wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
