I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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