my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
