I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
