That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize