One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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