Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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