Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
