The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
