so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
