tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize