Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
