I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize