Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
