Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You smell like stripper and shame
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
