I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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