Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
