so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I could make wine with my vomit
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
