nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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