after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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