the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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