real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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