I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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