My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I wish you could order shots online.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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