Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
