I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I want a musical about memes.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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