And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
my being single is dangerous.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
