I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
