I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
