dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
