Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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