Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
