dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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