VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
