just survived the first fart of the relationship.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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