the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
