Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
